DNF is what the results read. Something that hasn't sit well with me since my day ended prematurely at Boulder 70.3. It's a mental battle after the fact: wondering if I made the right call or if I really could/should/would have finished. I knew then and I know now that my body made the decision for me. My heart and ego must accept it too.
A DNF in a long list of results doesn't tell the whole story. In fact, it allows anyone to make up their own story ending. And that's what doesn't sit well with me. Because I am not my DNF. I don't quit when things get hard. I will suffer. I will persevere. But on that day I felt like my body wasn't my own: my heart rate was through the roof in T1 and for the first part of the bike, race watts felt impossible to hit + nausea and dizziness were along for the ride.
I was only about 20-25 miles in when I knew my race ended far before it began. Those final 30 miles of the "fast" Boulder 70.3 course felt more like miles 80-112 in a slog fest Ironman. I got weaker and weaker then slower and slower. Not even my trusty Red Bull could do the trick!
Post race I was frustrated, sad, and disappointed, but mostly sad. Frustrated because I didn't have a concrete answer to what went wrong. Sad because I wanted to finish what I set out to do: PR on a fast course. Despite hating my DNF, I got to spend the final race hours more focused on my BAM FAM friends racing, especially Kelsey finishing her very first 70.3 with a bang! I have watched her train through the cold depths of winter to the crazy hot days of summer- she earned a great race, despite a little bike tumble. She showed major heart and courage, from start to finish.
In the days after the race it was very apparent that whatever plagued my race day was sticking around for a while. When an "easy" ride one week later felt the same as the race, I knew something was up. At the suggestion of my coach and others, I made an appointment to get a physical done and blood work drawn. The lovely team at the Sugar House University Health Center took very good care of me and in just a few days after the appointment I had the answer I was looking for: severe iron deficiency. Not uncommon in female athletes and thankfully very treatable.
In true Type A form, I had my answer and wanted to fix it right away. But that's not how the world works most of the time. Things like this require time, patience, and grit. The weeks immediately after were draining. Training didn't feel as fun and more sessions fell under the struggle category than the strong category. But I'm in this for the long haul. It's not about one race or two. It's about taking care of my body so my body can take care of me for years to come. 10 years from now, I fully intend to be kicking ass and taking names in the 40-44 age group!
It's been nearly five weeks since my DNF at Boulder 70.3 and it's also the eve of lining up to race again. This time alongside the best of the best on the world stage. What I love most about this sport is the privilege I have to show up and challenge myself while surrounded by others who seek to do the same. The gift in the challenge this weekend is my ability to prove to myself that despite not being able to train the way I would have wanted in preparation for this race, I earned this start line and intend to enjoy every second (well at least every second I'm not swimming up stream!). I will do my very best on the day & as Matt Dixon shared today, I will be smiling from the inside out!
The weather is looking mighty fine for race day and I'm stoked to be in Chattanooga with several BAM FAM friends and those I've met from all over the world. Cheers to the love of racing, learning from it and lining up again and again.
XO.
V
